Poetry and Prose

Thanks to Kat, who was able to find some of my old poetry, I am able to post some of it online.  A lot of this was written 20 plus years ago, and during dark times in my life, and some dark times in the lives of some of my friends.  Enjoy:

The first poem, I wrote for my friend, Dria, who, at the time was in a place far from home, and far from friends, and in need of friendly support. There is more to the story, but it's too complicated to be told.

        "Adrianna"

 

Adrianna, with hair of flaxen gold,

Your eyes they tell of pains untold.

Wandering alone throughout life's trials,

I see you along the long weary miles.

You know that I'll never leave your side,

Without my friendship to be your guide.

I'll shine my light along your way

Throughout each dark and lonely day.

My friend, my love will never part

It remains for you inside my heart.

You're someone special, know that it's true.

I know there is someone who's looking for you.

And when he does, the stars brighter will shine

In the skies, in your eyes, from the love that's in mine,

My dear Adrianna, you've got treasures untold,

For in you I have a friend of pure gold.

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        05 October 1993

        2:17 AM

 

The following was written during a particularly rough spot in my life, if it weren't for those friends that remained close to me and stayed true, I may not be here today.

 

        "The Darkness"

 

Look at me, I'm a failure.

My world's turned inside out.

My hopes for life are crushed.

No one seems to understand

What I'm going through.

They only choose to see

The parts of me they want to see.

Their ears can't hear my cries for help,

Or, if they do, they choose to ignore,

And turn their backs on me.

I'm all alone in this world,

Lost inside a darkness I cannot fight.

The darkness rejoices as it consumes me,

Overtaking my innermost self,

Overwhelming my soul, and destroying my heart.

Won't somebody help me?

I only want to be free

To spread my wings and fly again,

But I cannot find my wings.

My wounded heart cries.

It doesn't sing like it once did.

Will someone please set me free?

So I can lick my wounds and carry on,

And fly once more, like I did once before.

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        24 October 1990

        11:45 AM

Here is a poem I just wrote while listening to DOFP and losing myself in memories...  I'm not sure if Bill will understand, but Dria knows exactly how I'm feeling, I think...

 

(Untitled)

 

Why am I here?

What is this place that is not my home?

Why did I leave there,

To come to this place where I feel so alone?

 

 I look all about me.

Memories, like fine china, fill the shelves on the walls

I look and remember

They draw me into yesterday, down dark and empty halls.

 

I do not belong here

In this time and place which to me have no meaning

But I cannot return there

It's a place that is long gone, A place of innocence and dreaming.

 

So therefore I stay

In a world not my own, full of emptiness and regrets

Where I'm forever reminded

Of happier times when I was free, Times I can never forget

 

 David J. Stayduhar

31 March 1995

5:35 AM

 

 Following is another written during the aforementioned dark period in my life.  Seemed like my creative juices flowed more freely then...  This one was inspired by Raistlin Majere, a character in the Dragonlance series, whose life seemed to mirror mine at the time.

       "Hourglass Eyes"

 

I look at the world through hourglass eyes,

And all that I see just withers and dies.

I see the same things each and every day.

I want to see life, but I only see decay.

I look at the flowers growing in the fields,

But barrenness is all that this sight of mine yields.

I see no joy, I see only sorrow.

All that I see will have no tomorrow.

I look at the children while they play,

But I see them as crippled, old, and grey.

Everything I see is either dying or dead.

Even the sun in the sky is cold and red.

I see everything as it passes with time,

All distorted images to these eyes of mine.

I see everything as death in disguise.

Oh, won't somebody please lift this curse from my eyes?

Remove it so that I can see life once again,

And grant me some peace, I am going insane.

I want to see sunshine and hear birds in the trees.

Somebody please take this infliction from me.

Take it away so once again I see life.

Let me see happiness instead of this strife.

I cry out for help, as into darkness I descend.

Nobody hears me, so the curse remains 'til the end.

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        17 November 1990

        12:35 AM

 

"Searching"

 

As I sit here, I ponder,

Looking back at where I've gone,

Then foward, to where I've yet to go.

Memories both good and bad,

Thoughts of yesterdays gone by,

Remembering love found, then lost,

Thinking of love yet to be found,

Searching for peace within personal wars,

Sorting through chaos, hoping to find order,

Caught in a war in which I have no control,

Caught in the tempest and struggling to survive.

I live through one storm, only to be caught in another,

But I'm a survivor, I'll make it through,

Smarter and wiser, to live again.

 

    By David J. Stayduhar

        25 October 1990

        1:00 PM

 

The following was inspired by Elfquest characters, Skywise and Cutter, and the bond between a special friend and myself.

 

"For my soulmate"

 

One soul, two hearts

Always together, never to part.

One born of Earth, the other of Fire

Closer than kindred, burning with desire.

Each one their own, yet part of a whole.

Both of them sharing the very same soul.

 

 David J. Stayduhar

07 October, 1996

2:25 AM

 

 This one just came to me one afternoon, still dark times, but had a glimmer of hope and inspiration.

        "The Triumph of the Phoenix"

 

The lightning flashed; the thunder roared.

Two figures stood facing each other.

One longed for possession,

The other--to save a soul.

The one they both loved lay wounded on the ground,

A victim of this battle royal.

Tears steaked down the one man's face,

While the other flashed a hateful smile.

He knew the battle was already lost,

But still he fought to save her soul.

From the darkness that, even now, he faced.

Red robes and cape blowing in the wind,

He raised his voice to speak.

But the black-robed one, in all his hatred,

Silenced him with a scowl.

One was here to fight for Love,

The other was here to destroy.

While the wind-blown rain stung in his face,

The Red One fought back his tears.

His loved one was dying before his eyes,

The Dark One's evil consuming her soul.

He knew that he was powerless against his foe,

But still he found the strength to cast a final spell.

He summoned the lightning to him,

And the lightning consumed him.

The Dark One laughed at this folly.

His adversary sealed his own fate.

His evil laughter drowned out the thunder,

As he knelt to claim his prize.

But out of the ashes of his foe

Came a terrifying scream.

The Dark One began to tremble in unimagined fear,

As the Phoenix at him, in anger, flew.

He tried to cast an evil spell

To try to destroy the bird,

But the Phoenix emerged unscathed.

It absorbed the power of the spell,

As well as the power of the storm,

And continued to attack its hapless prey.

The Dark One tried to cast again,

But found his power drained.

The Phoenix had drained him of his magic,

And so he turned to flee.

The rain soaked ground was covered in mud,

And the Dark One slipped and fell.

The Phoenix, seeing his fallen prey,

Swooped down to finish the kill.

It seemed to scream in triumph,

As the Dark One screamed in fear,

And reaching out one taloned claw,

It tore out its victim's heart.

His life extinguished, the Dark One vanished,

And the Phoenix transformed.

The Red One stood in sorrowful triumph,

Vengence and victory were his, the battle won.

He knelt over his dying lover,

As his tears fell on her face.

His Love renewed her dying spirit,

As well as her dying soul.

She looked at him and smiled,

Her Love for him renewed.

Again, into the Phoenix, the Red One did transform,

And taking his loved one upon his back, into the sky did soar.

Their hearts were again as one, to live forevermore.

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        23 October 1990

        3:00 PM

 

Untitled (or "it is finished...")

 

The battle is over

I've finally lost

I've got no strength left to fight

All my hopes have gone away

I've given all I could give

I'm left with nothing

my dreams are blown to dust

like ashes they've scattered

I surrender my life to the reaper

I pray he'll come for me soon

There is nothing for me here but sorrow

Grief, pain and hatred fill my soul

My love no longer has meaning

It, too, has left me stranded

with nothing to fall back on.

Nobody seems to care anymore.

least of all, those who should.

My "friends" have deserted me.

Left me to die all alone.

Where is Help when I need it?

I can't survive on my own.

I pray for love to find me again.

I pray to find my way home.

Please, somebody hear me.

tell me that hope still exists.

let my broken heart be mended.

let my dreams once again be fulfilled.

Show me the way to happiness.

So my heart can fly free once more!

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        22 October 1990

        9:45 PM

 

The following was a tribute to friends found and friends lost, I think I can still name each person represented in this one (In Order): Myself, Heather W,  Doug B, Lisa H, Dria H, Tom N, Harold L, Tom V, Monica H, and Bill H. 

        Untitled

 

 Ten they were, following fate.

Each was his own, yet one with the whole.

Three were as one, out of the same womb born.

Another from darkness, into light, then darkness again.

One to nature's call did heed,

Whose lover followed the fighter's creed.

Another, to friends, was honor bound.

While one, to music, devoted no sight, but sound.

While his lover followed where'er he went.

And yet another did his best

At playing tricks, illusions and jest.

 
 

The leader, love scorned and all alone

A raging fire burning forever within his soul.

To Magic did he devote his life,

But trusting no one, to avoid the hurt.

His one love gone, to darkness turned,

So in his soul, the fire burned.

The pain he tried so hard to hide,

Still his friends know of the turmoil inside.

 

His sister to justice her life did devote,

To follow the paths of the gods she served.

Always caring for others as was her way,

She sought for equality and harmony.

Quiet and thoughtful, apart from the rest,

While helping others, she did her best.

Giving the best from her very heart,

While keeping her own life from falling apart.

 

Their darker brother, chaos he served.

Darker than night, like the Raven bird.

Enshrouded in darkness and mystery,

He served the darkest part of neutrality.

Always trouble did his magic bring,

He seemed to bring chaos to everything.

But still in his heart, some loving would find,

For this one cared for those of his kind.

 
 

Another to darkness, from light did she fall.

Heeding the tempting of Darkness' dread call.

Abandoning all to save only herself.

Betraying her friends while she was preserved.

Using the love of all those who cared

And turning to hatred, her dark side she bared.

Changing her ways of goodness to sin,

Leaving her lover to die from within.

 

 The next one, a druid from wilderness came,

Seeing all nature as one and the same.

Seeing the beauty in everything.

Striving to keep the balance in all things.

She walked the ways of truth and love,

Seeking her guidance from the gods above.

Where help was needed, she always was giving,

Reflecting her fondness for all that was living.

 

 The ranger, to fighting did take,

The only way he knew his living to make.

His love for the druid, one so sincere,

He knew that with her he saw everything clear.

Respect for his leader, and childhood friend,

Caused him to remain loyal 'til the end.

He knows that his friend is lonely inside,

So the ranger was always by his friend's side.

 

The knight, to honor, holds true.

While protecting the others from impending Evil.

To his friends he offers kindly advice,

But often his words are misinterpreted.

His friends know that he only means well,

He hates to seem them going through living hell.

Still honor he upholds until the end,

When living to help those whom he calls "friend."

 

Another to music his life did devote.

He played for the lonely and meak.

His sightless eyes saw more than the rest.

Because in his music he always saw the best.

His songs cheered the lonely,

His words calmed their fears.

He lived for his music,

He lived to dry all tears.

 

The barmaid, his lover, was always beside,

To give him encouragement, to be his guide.

She loved him so deeply, they were never apart.

His love was embedded inside of her heart.

She sang with his playing, her voice filled the night.

This is what gave him his unnatural sight.

Loving each other, always together,

They'll be there for each other--always, forever.

 

The last, looked down on by all,

A jester by trade, his puns would appall.

He tried to make everyone laugh and smile,

But to all of his friends, he was only a trial.

Downcast and ridiculed, he never fit in,

But still he would try to manage a grin.

However, no matter how stupid he seemed to be,

His companions put up with his company.

 

Ten they were, trying to get by.

For those that they loved and lost they would cry.

Three reunited, after so many years.

Another forsook all, for her--many tears.

Druid and fighter falling in love.

Still seeking favor in the gods above.

Knight still protecting those who swore true.

Minstrel relieving moods which were blue,

His lover remaining to guide his way,

The jester still trying to fit into the frame,

And still they remain friends 'til the end,

Through suff'ring and heartache, broken hearts that will mend.

 

        By David J. Stayduhar

        24 October 1990

        7:00 PM

 

There are more somewhere out there, and once I find them, I will share those as well.